I will now review and correct various write ups.

Soundcrumpet, Brighton, 14th January 2017

 

"All the way from our assiduous european neighbours, this mans live act will blow your head off and move your feet like a madman. Rene never ceases to leave those who are exposed to his face melting, gurn infused, 1000mph bastard child of ragga-jungle & happy hardcore into a fist pumping knees-up mania, which is we guarantee will leave you with the silliest smile on your face and fully drained."

 

First of all, the "assiduous" clicheé is tiresome and old. I know Raves are supposed to be all funny and stuff and very ironic but it's actually quite offensive for me as a German that you make fun of us.
I don't blow anyones head off, as that would be quite the mess, despite being highly illegal. (Its murder.)
"(...) Move your feet like a madman" is something i would consider weak language. Just sounds shoddy to me, but ill let it slide as its my second language.
"Rene never ceases to (...)" implies the reader a certain feeling of connection to me. I'm on their level, therefore you call me by my actual first name. 1) I'm not. I'm not making music or playing Raves to be anyones mate or to be talked at. It's Breakforce One for you and not Rene. 2) It is especially problematic because you dont name any of the others by their first names in your writeups.
We continue with my favourite part of any write up, the description of my sound. Like always, when written by an amateur, it is just a bunch of adjectives hastily thrown together to make it sound exciting, mostly ignoring any facts.
"Face melting" i consider a compliment, even tho not a very good one.
"Gurn infused" is probably the worst offender. I do not ever take any drugs. I tell every promoter that and they still tag the drug thing on me. It's ridiculous. UK Rave is way too focussed on drugs. Get a grip.

"1000mph" its actually 180-230. BPM. Mph is a measurement of travelling speed, not musical speed.

"Bastard child of ragga-jungle & happy hardcore" - I made like 3 Ragga Jungle Tracks in my 5 years of making music, and 0 Happy Hardcore Tracks. Also 0 that combine both.

"A fist pumping knees-up mania" It may be for people who don't get it. I consider it art and its an eye roll moment everytime people are having what they call "fun" at my performances.

"Which is we guarantee will leave you with the silliest smile"  - Grammar. Also both objectively wrong and highly stupid, as anyone who didn't have said "silliest smile" can now hold that against you and our credibility.

 

Overall this write up is a mess. Bad grammer, factually wrong and highly presumptous, i will give this one a straight F for FAILED EXISTENCE.

 

SWÄG Festival, Tampere, 16th-17th June 2017

 

"Breakforce One is a raggajungle wizard, mental mashup machine and breakcore incarnate who's shot up the scene from the depths of the undergound like a rocket propelled by distorted kicks and breaks that make you go PUUUULL UUUUUP! Expect some intricately chopped breaks, mashups, ravey stuff, full-on gabba biz and, well... just come and find out! The dance floor is gettin' rekt, son!"

 

Again, i don't make Ragga Jungle. Neither am i a "mental mashup machine" as its, despite the wonderful alliteration, pretty damn gay to make mashups.
Breakcore by definition is an "underground" Scene, so i didn't "shoot" up anywhere. I merely have reasonable success for someone who's nagging people on Facebook with his shit for 4 years straight.
I give them the "distorted kicks and breaks" thing however, as i have both of that in my music.
Worst offender in this write up is the "PUUUULL UUUUUP!"  bit. Reducing me to Ragga Acapella's makes me pretty sad because that's not the only thing i am doing. Also i would never "pull up" a tune as that is annoying and pointless.
Now to the Sound description.

"Intricately chopped breaks" Thank you.

"Mashups" NO. For the last time, NO.

"Ravey stuff" Well, MAYBE, but if then just for a short bit. You can not guarantee this.

"Full-on gabba biz" Only when i hate the Audience. (Every time)

"And, well... just come and find out!" What even is that? Did you run out of things to say to make people excited about the Set? Are we now at promo-clicheés 101?

"The dance floor is gettin' rekt, son!" This will most likely happen.

 

 

 

Not being as bad as the other one, and thankfully quite short, i will give this one a D for DIDN'T LISTEN TO MY MUSIC.